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What is Cooperative Adoption?
Cooperative Adoption represents possibilities. It is used by each participant
differently. Cooperative adoption adds options and extends family relationships.
Cooperative Adoption is knowing that children all come into this life
whole, with all rights and relationships intact. And, it is understand
that no one has the right to interrupt those rights or deprive another
being of them.
Cooperative Adoption is the child’s access to both families, to both
sets of parents, with progressive participation in the decisions that
will affect his/her life. It is important to view adoption from the
child’s perspective rather than from the adults’ perspective. If the
child has access to both families, he does not lose anything, and both
sets of parents, by the nature of the arrangement will have continued
access to each other.
In the past, birth families and adoptive families were considered to
have antagonistic interests. Somehow the fact that they were all human
beings with a child’s interest at heart got lost. It doesn’t matter
how this happened and there is no blame. What matters now is that adoption
ADDS OPTIONS to the child’s life and to the lives of all relatives.
The ideal adoption expands the child’s life experiences. The ideal adoption
is cooperative participation and interaction between all birth and adoptive
family members. In an ideal adoption, the child loses nothing...not
relationships, not knowledge, not continuity, not identity, not birth
family, not siblings, not grandparents, not parents, not one single
thing! Instead he gains relationships, knowledge, continuity, identity,
security, parents, siblings grandparents, etc.
Secrecy and loss have made traditional adoptions difficult. COOPERATIVE
ADOPTION is a positive option, a chance for everyone to celebrate, and
a change for everyone to gain.
Cooperative Adoption requires an understanding that all relationships
are continually renegotiable. None of us stay the same and all our dreams,
needs and relationships change with time, maturity and experience. In
a cooperative adoption the child must be seen as having progressive
participation in his/her own life and in the relationships established
by adoption. It acknowledges that the unconsulted, party, the adoptee,
maintains control of self. With this in mind it is easier for the adults
to view themselves as guardians of the child’s future and to acknowledge
the great gift they have all gained in creating the nurturing a life.
What you will find in the book “Cooperative Adoption” is a step-by-step
guide to understanding the alternatives available. It is a handbook
for avoiding adversarial adoptions and facilitating cooperative adoptions.
Feelings of anxiety, disbelief, discomfort, and excitement may surface
as you read through this book. Remember that everyone has multiple emotions
about most things. There is no rule that says you must only feel one
thing at one time. You are allowed to work through your feelings as
you choose and to feel anything you choose. It is not unusual to find
that an open process such as cooperative adoption will feel uncomfortable
for some of you. Know that this is not different from the emotional
process for any important, identity-related relationship. People must
learn to love and trust each other in any meaningful relationship.
Just as divorce once left its participants unable to relate, so has
adoption. Just as divorce has moved in possibilities from adversary
to cooperative, so can adoption. As part of a transition, cooperative
adoption participants are traveling footpaths rather than paved highways.
They may seem unfamiliar. They may seem untraveled. But that does not
make the highway better. There would be no highways if footpaths and
buggy had not preceded them.
Cooperative Adoption is what you make it. It is continually evolving
and you may find that the harder you try to define it the broader the
definition becomes.
Cooperative Adoption takes seeing each participant as whole until themselves,
coming together as many whole people to extend a family rather than
as pieces to create a whole.
By Sharon Kaplan Roszia & Mary Jo Rillera Co-Authors of “COOPERATIVE
ADOPTION”
CHILD ADVOCATE OF THE YEAR
Sharon Kaplan Roszia was honored as Child Advocate of the Year in 1987,
by the Child Abuse Council or Orange County. This award is in recognition
of Sharon’s 26- year-career in the field of adoption, her current thrust
being the promotion of cooperative adoptions and training others about
adoption loss issues.
This prestigious award was presented to Sharon at an honorary dinner
attended by more than 400 individuals. Sharons’s remarks from the podium
show that she is never afraid to speak from the heart. She stated that
she was particularly pleased to see the community recognize that not
only are abused children placed in adoption, but that children in adoption
can be abused. In addition, she stressed that SECRECY IN ADOPTION IS
A FORM OF ABUSE OF CHILDREN.” That’s a quote we should all use.
Pat Sanders, American Adoption Congress 1987
In October 2003, Sharon received yet another prestigious award from
the international ATTACh organization. With an audience of 650 watching,
“The Lifetime Achievement award” was bestowed on her for her 40 plus
years of work with children.
Cooperative adoption is an adoption that guarantees the adoptee’s access
to both families over time.
COOPERATIVE
VS ADVERSARIAL
Cooperative:
Birthparents choose adoptive family.
Birth and adoptive parents know the identity, location, and biographical
information about eachother.
Birth and adoptive families exchange ongoing medical data.
Child is usually placed directly in the adoptive home.
Child can know
the birth family.
Adoptive parents
can be present at the birth.
Adoptive parents
can see child and birth family during pregnancy and/or hospital stay.
Adoptive and birth
families exchange hopes, ideals, and dreams.
Adoptive and birth
families are aware of all financial expenditures.
Adoptive and birthparents
and adoptees can see all files and records kept on them.
Names are added
to an adoptee's birth certificate and it is preferable that this certificate
is never "sealed."
Families have
ongoing, direct communication in person, by phone, or through letters
or photos and videos.
The adoptee is
a progressive participant in the decisions and relationships.
Adversarial:
A.P. are chosen by an intermediary.
Birth and adoptive
parents may know only restricted non identifying info about each other.
Medical data may
be limited to the time of the adoptees birth.
Child may be in
temporary or foster care before being placed in a home.
Child rarely knows
birth family.
Adoptive parents
often do not know they have been chosen until after the child is born.
Adoptive and birthparents
do not share pregnancy, labor, or birth.
Adoptive and birth
parents do not communicate directly.
Neither adoptive
nor birth families are usually aware of all financial expenditures.
Parties rarely
see files and records which are kept on them.
Adoptee's birth
certificate is sealed and names changed.
Families communication
is severely restricted or limited by Intermediary.
Adoptee has little/no
participation in the decision relationship proccess.
HERE ARE SOME QUOTES THAT FAMILIES WITH COOPERATIVE ADOPTIONS HAVE SHARED:
* “COOPERATIVE ADOPTION” is like a precious heirloom; later the child
may recognize that long before he/she was conscious of certain needs,
you anticipated and planned for their connections. You all preserved
something whose value might easily have been overlooked, lost, or misplaced.”
* “It is helpful to think of all humanity as related.”
* “When casting about for a relationship on which to model COOPERATIVE
ADOPTION look to a spouse - a beloved, unrelated person to whom you
presumably have made a total commitment over time who has close relatives
of their own.”
* “We believe that staying available to your child over a lifetime (both
birth family and adoptive family) will enable your child to feel whole.
* “The end result for kids should be a big ho hum.”
* “A child is a voyager in our life; does not belong to anyone. The
most we can know for sure is that we are the child’s.”
* “Every adoption is like a snowflake. There is no formula, no recipe,
no guarantees. Each is unique & different.”
* “Openness shows our gratitude, our faith, our trust.”
* “Having contact confirms and validates the decision for both families.”
* “We parent the child; we didn’t give birth to the child. This has
been a cooperative venture all along.”
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